Swan Flake

Last night I saw a production of Swan Lake in the Mikhalovsky Theater.

Luckily, before I left for Russia, I bought an awesome camera.

CHECK OUT THAT ZOOM!

Unluckily, however, there was a hawk of a women patrolling the aisles making sure no one took pictures or videos during the show, which was just as well because it... was... pretty disappointing. Now, I'm no critic, but I'm going to pretend that I am. I've seen a fair amount of ballets in myyyy day, and these fuckers ain't got no soul. It seemed like they were just playing parts. Which they were. But I was more moved watching the Black Swan (movie) than at any point throughout this ballet. Also, I rented those little snazzy little binoculars. Big mistake. This is essentially what I saw.

Barf. Zilla. 

So, in their defense, it's probably hard to pretend you're a perdy bird when your leg could snap in half at any moment because you think salad is too caloric. I'm so torn between feeling sorry for them and wanting to demand entertainment from them. I can do both? 

Anyway, then the WORST THING happened. The ballet abruptly ENDED. And the white swan DIDN'T KILL HERSELF. Everyone gets up and heads to coat check, while all of us Amuricans are like "wait... what?" Then we notice that on the pamphlet it says it's an interpretation of the ballet by some asshole, doesn't matter who, he ruined it, that's all I care about. Happy endings are not Russian. If you don't leave crying, something isn't right. Although there was one dude crying in the hallway all over his date. He was probably also upset about how outrageously the thing ended. 

And then everyone left to drown their sorrows in beer, while I went home because I'm afraid of being raped in a bar bathroom, also, sick. 

Additionally, here are a few facts I left out of my previous list about eccentricities in Russia: 

During orientation we were told that last year "only 8 people" died from falling icicles in St. Petersburg last year. Thank god. If it was 10 I would be worried. Essentially, there are workers whose job it is to shovel all the snow off the edge of the buildings. Most of the time, they do not care who is on the sidewalk below. Wonderful. 

1/3 of all the deaths in Russia are caused by some alcohol related incident. 1/3. Thats... 1/3. I don't think I need to say more. 

Also, my pee smells. All the time. And my hair and nails are growing like fucking crazy. I don't really know what's going on.

Here are some pictures.

Some armor on some horses at der Hermitage. 

A church thing in Novgorod.

I have too much breasts to be ballerina. 

Aaaaaand... Rizhik :)